Religion, Facebook and Chickening Out

Hey guys,

Well haven't I had an interesting last few days! Firstly, remember how I said I was going to come out to my family over dinner. Well I didn't, I chickened out. Although I'm using the fact we all ended up going different places for dinner as a good excuse. I know I should of, but I got so terrified I just didn't.

So you know how I'm currently seeing C, well it's going alright, although I'm beginning to have my reservations as I've noticed some things in him that remind me far to much of F. So last night I went on a date with another guy D, who's a pretty alright guy, who I had a very fun time with, but thats for a different post. The point I'm trying to make is, I lead an actively homosexual lifestyle, and this doesn't sit very well with my religious friends.
I began coming out to them at the beginning of the year, and most of them were ok with it, under the assumption that I was gay but remaining single and celibate to please God. I humored them with that thought for a while. Now that I've begun telling them that I'm seeing people, they've suddenly become very anti gay, I've lost two of my best friends and I think I'm about to loose another.
This prompted me to post a status update on my Facebook

yes it's true... so stop asking me already! and no I don't care that you don't approve!

This made my brother message me asking what it was, because nobody tells him anything. So I took a deep breath, clicked my heels three times and took a leap of faith and told him. I knew he'd be ok with it all, but it was still a horrible and terrifying 10 minutes of waiting for him to reply. But I love my brother and I'm happy I told him.
Now all I have to do is tell my father, who I can guarantee wont take it nearly half as well as my brother.

Love all you guys heaps xoxo

Spray Tans and Comming Out

Hey Guys,

I went for dinner and a movie last night with C, it was very very nice, and thats all I want to say at the moment. I want to keep it all to myself for as long as possible. Don't worry though, I'm sure to crack and spill everything within the week. On a side note, I didn't wear my Burberry Trench the stupid weather decided it was time for another heat wave, like seriously can it make up its mind already!!!

So now that its summer (well spring, but it may as well be with all the heatwaves)  I really need a tan! Its kind of the rule in Australia. As soon as the sun comes back out you must tan ASAP! I haven't been seeing enough sun for my liking though so I decided to give myself a little artificial boost until I can organise more beach time. The results, well, lets just say it went from good to bad to absolutely excellent.
I bought a spray on natural tan, one thats meant to dye your skin over time and naturally promote the cells to tan themselves, it sounded great, it promised absolutely no streaks and a natural even colouring. I was sold. So I whipped off my clothes and began spraying every inch of skin, the stuff dried instantly and it needed no rubbing in, and it promised to start working within three hours. Well after three hours I looked good, I had the beginings of a nice even tan, not quite up to my usual natural mediteranean tan, but a nice begining none the less. The problems arose when I woke up this morning. I looked like an oompa loompa! I almost burst out crying it was hideous. So I ran into the shower and began frantically scrubbing, I didnt think it was working. I finnally resigned myself to being an over sized orange and got out and toweled myself down. And you know what, when I looked in the mirror I got the shock of my life. I looked like I had a lovely sun kissed deep tan. I'd managed to wash away the excess dye and was left with the natural tan underneath =D so now I am extremely happy. I look a treat if I say so myself. C says I look rather hot too.

So recently I moved back home with the family. and well, its becoming a lot more annoying playing the game "as long as we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist." Especially now that I've got C in my life! So I'm thinking of starting World War III tonight and announcing at the dinner table, "I'm gay, and I have a boyfriend." Closely followed by "Please dad, don't look so surprised. It's insulting." I expect a yelling match to follow that proclomation. Infact I'm expecting dad to invite the minister over as quickly as possible so he can change my wicked devious ways. To repent and follow the lord at all costs, and all that tosh.
Ohh well, it can't be avoided and its better we get it over and done with now rather then let it play out longer and longer.
So wish me luck, heres hoping I still have a home by tomorrow. =P

xoxo

New Found Hope???

Hey my prettys,

So that menopausal roller coaster ride I mentioned in my last post has taken yet another turn. This time for the good it seems.
First off for people who have read my early posts you'd know about a boy called B who I randomly hooked up with. Well don't expect him to grace the pages of any other post, because that boy is after one thing only, and its not compatible with what I'm after.
On a very happy note but, a new boy interest C has graced my doorstep =D
We know each other through a friend of a friend, and we went on a date today. Nothing big just shopping at the local mall, and it was so absolutely sweet. He seems like a really genuine guy, hes a couple years older then me, but he looks like he could be younger lol. He has the cutest smile you ever did see. We've really hit it off well, we just seem to click which is really nice, and we've already organised to go to the movies tomorrow and then hit the city on Friday night together. Did I mention he's like seriously cute =D
He drove me home today and we sat in his car talking for a while, and then he walked me to my door, which I thought was the nicest thing ever. I feel like I'm in high school all over again. When we reached the door it was like something out of a sappy romance, you know the ones that always star Hugh Grant. He leaned in and gave me the most tenderest kiss I think I've ever had. That's basically sealed it in my mind for him. As you should know I love kissing, I love good kissing! And his was perfect, it was sweet, tender with absolutely no tongue and left me wanting more... absolutely everything a first kiss should be!

So now I'm really excited and over the moon, I cant wait till tomorrow night. Although I'm having a major meltdown over what to wear. Do you think my Burberry trenchcoat might be a tad to much for just the movies???

Anywhos I've got signing and dancing to do down the halls of my house, ah young love it is sweet.

xoxo

P.S. Thanks to C, the bad mood F put me in has totally gone, I havent even thought of him =D
P.P.S. I'm not in love guys... yet, lol I don't fall that quickly, thought I should clear that up just in case I came across a little too sappy and in love lol.

Ex Means Ex Get it?

Hey all,

So over the past two days I think I've experienced something similar to the emotional rollercoster ride of menopause. And I place all blame on my ex-boyfriend F. You see yesterday would of been our year and a half anniversary. F being the big douche bag he is decided to call me, I wont bore you with the full conversation but this is basically how it went.

F: Hey baby, i'm so sorry, can we please meet up and talk.
Me: Look F you fucked me up really bad, and i'm only just recovering i dont need to go through this again.
F: Please babe, let me just explain please.
Me: No F I really dont want to hear it youve done enough
F: Began yelling at me

I quickly hung up. I've since received no less the 27 txt messages from him ranging from apologetic to angry to down right scary. Not to mention the countless calls I've rejected from him. I'm still trying to work out how he managed to get my number, I've changed it twice because of him already.

So maybe a bit of back story is in order. F was a really great guy, I'm pretty sure I fell in love with him, which makes this all so much harder. He changed though, into someone I can barely recognise. He became very manipulative and controlling towards the end of our relationship. He always had to know where I was and with whom, he didn't like me hanging out with my gay friends. He used to tell me the sweetest things and somehow managed to get me to do things I normally wouldn't of done. But I didn't mind I was in love and he was a bad boy, and he took on a very protective role to me, two things i'm an absolute sucker for.

The day before the incident occurred we had a pretty big fight and I was totally down and depressed. I couldn't stand it when he wasn't happy with me. We were meant to go to beach house party of a mutual friends but i didn't want to go. He ended up guilt tripping me into going, I was only there for him to parade me around on his arm in reality, not that I realised at the time. A strange thing occurred, I found myself mingling at this party without F by my side. I wasn't sure where he'd gone off to but it was odd because he always stayed near me, to the point of suffocating me really. The last few days were getting to me, and I just needed a moment to myself so I set off looking for an empty room. I entered a bedroom and what I saw was like a scene out of a bad movie, there was F on the bed with some boy I had never seen before having sex. My entire world shattered. In that instant I broke so completely. I ran, and I kept on running, I wasn't watching where I was going  and I eventually ran onto the beach and into the shallow surf where I collapsed. F's older brother was also at the party and he had seen me run out of the house to the beach crying. J and I have always got on really well, and I seriously have no idea how him and F are related, there like chalk and cheese. J pulled me out of the water, and up onto the dunes, and held me for a while trying to get me to tell him what was wrong. It was only when he said he'd go find F for me that I told him what i'd just seen. He was ready to go and get F for a totally different reason after that. I stopped him, and he offered to drive me home. He was so sweet my knight in shinning amour, he ended up staying with me that night letting me cry all over him. Hes such a great guy J if only he wasn't straight.
I haven't seen F face to face since, J went and got all my stuff off him, and left him in a bit of a state. You should of seen the photos of what he did to him looked like it hurt, cant say I felt all that sorry for him.

So yeah. Thats what F did to me, and it's been really hard to get myself back together since. I really dont need his bullshit at the moment and I wish he'd just stay out of my life.
These old wounds still seem far to fresh for my liking

Anyways I best be off to the the land of sleep, Its 1am in the morning here.

xoxo

Do I Want to get Married?

Allo Allo,

Great news for the Australian Gay Equal Rights campaign this week. With the 'National Day of Action for Marriage' this Saturday it is with overwhelming joy that I share this news with you. Over the weekend the Victorian Labor Party at its state conference passed a unanimous motion to legalise same sex marriage. Calling for the Federal Government to take the issue before parliament once more, and this time legalise it. The chances of this occurring however are slim while our country is under Prim Minister Kevin Rudd's leadership. Known to be a devout catholic and having already binned two previous attempts it is highly unlikely, especially when he considers the mass popularity he achieved among the Hillsong church during the election one of the major contributing forces to his win.

Either way this is still great news, because now two states have called for the legalisation, Tasmania being the first earlier this year. And with another federal election just around the corner, surely this we'll be a prime topic future candidates will be trying to support.

However, I was thinking to myself do I personally ever want to get married? And honestly I really couldn't give two hoots. I believe marriage is something that should stay within religion, its one of there sacraments so they can argue over it and deny it to whomever they see unfit. What I want is to enjoy all the legal rights a married couple is granted by the government, I want a civil union. Presently if I was in a committed relationship with another man, and say he got a terminal illness and was in hospital, I would have to carry around with me several different documents stating I had legal rights to make decisions for him in the event he couldn't. I would also need to have a Justice of the Peace and Lawyer on call just in case. And even with all of that it still wouldn't be a guaranteed matter that I'd be recognised. Thats just one of the many rights we currently don't have equal footing with our heterosexual brethren.

We abolished the white Australia policy in the 1970's and gave Aboriginal people equal rights with the rest of us, lets hope that in the 2010's we will abolish the Gay Discrimination laws in place and grant equal rights to us as well.

xoxo

Haters

Hey guys,
There are plenty of haters out there, those that condemn us for being who we are. My families a prime example of that. Its one of the main reasons I'm still so closeted to them, especially my father. I don't think I'm strong enough yet to be able to fight that battle with them. I truly do understand there Christian perspective having been bought up in the church, but at the same time I don't understand how they can be so comfortable preaching a message of hate, when as far as I'm aware Jesus only ever preached a message of love and compassion.

A blog I've followed anonymously for a long time updated today and prompted this post of mine. The blog being Ryans Life. You can find the post in question here http://aguyinlove.blogspot.com/2009/11/dont-understand.html
The general gist of it was that he had received hate mail from an idiot who conveyed his wishes that it was Ryan suffering from AIDS. He hoped that Ryans blog would die along with him.
My heart goes out to Ryan. These ignorant fools who attack us, have a profound affect on us, as much as we like to say otherwise.
I  for one am very glad that Ryans blog shall not be disappearing any time soon, because for seven years it has been a voice amongst the homosexual community. It has been a torch to the wider community, a personal insight into what its like being gay. His blog has inspired me since I started reading it, and it is one of the main reasons you see my own blog up and running.
His story has given me courage to share my own.
So Ryan don't let them get you down, just keep on smiling.

xoxo

The Perils of Nana Napping and Detox

Hello my freaky lovelies,

I thought I would share something I just found out only moments ago. Nana naps while detoxing DO NOT MIX!!!
I'm currently doing a detox diet, you know the one where you eat one very small low carb meal a day and drink a whole heap the rest of the time. It's day 5 and I'm going strong. Already my skin is looking smoother, tighter and fresher =D I've also lost all that weight I put on in winter!!!
The down side of this diet is that I'm increasingly feeling more and more tired. So this afternoon I decided to take a Nana nap just so i'd be all nice and fresh for my nightlife. Good idea? WRONG!

When I woke up from this Nana nap, I woke into a state of total confusion. In mere moments I was gasping for air, and frantically searching around me for a sign of familiarity. I had absolutely no idea who I was, where I was or what I was doing. I was absolutely scared shitlesss. Finally my eyes landed onto an object that I was familiar with, and I quickly remembered I was Adam, I was in my bedroom and that I was safe and sound in my house. What was this god saving miracle item that restored my sanity you might ask? Well it was my purple hair dryer sitting on the corner of my desk. In hindsight the photos would of been a more logical choice but I'm not complaining, that hairdryer saved me!
So I'm putting this moment of near hysteria down to my lack of food, and I am refusing to Nana nap for the remainder of my detox, 3 more days to go people!

I hope that this cautionary tale will help you think twice the next time you decide to Nana nap while detoxing.

xoxo