Friday, December 18, 2009

Long time, no see...

Hello all my weary readers,

I'm sorry I haven't posted these past few weeks, but my life has been absolutely crazy and I do hope you can forgive me. The short story for my lack of updates is I had a major health scare and I finally came out to my overjoyed and proud father (if you couldn't pick up the sarcasm on the second point, shame on you!).
So basically over the past few weeks I've been told I had as much as a few years to as little as two months left to live. I'm rather happy to be able to tell you that both diagnosis were wrong, the downside is that instead of a rather aggressive cancer, I have a rather obnoxious and rare autoimmune disease with far too many letters in its name for me to ever pronounce properly. Well actually that's really a positive downside.
It shouldn't impact to severely on my life thankfully, just a few more medications to add to my list is all. And it has helped to explain why I seem to get every single bug out there, and why my colds always turn into full blown influenza!

In the midst of this scary health scare I came out to my father, lets just say I don't think I will ever experience anything quite as unpleasant. I hope you all remember D the boy I jumped ship to over C. Well long story short we will never ever be boyfriends because we discovered how very very good we are at being best friends. It's ridiculous really, who ever heard of dating for best friends lol. But back to the coming out story. So D was feeling down over some boy troubles so I went out with him for ice cream and coffee, and then like all good boys we went to the pub and got way too tipsy, which resulted in me doing a make shift poll dance on the stage using a pool table cue, the straight boys loved it funnily enough (thank god I shaved as well). On my way home I met the most wonderful bogan (the Australian version of a hill billy red neck hick) lady who shared her bottle of Jim Beam with me on the train, it was a right laugh!
Needless to say by the time I got home I was no where near capable of walking in a straight line, and my father was less then impressed being the anti alcohol Christian he is. I only remember snippets of that night, but here's how the bits I do remember went down.
Dad: Where have you been?
Me: Out with D
Dad: Who's D?
Me: A really good friend of mine.
Dad: Ohh I'm sure he is!
This is where things start getting really foggy, but I remember him yelling something about my sexuality, then he came at me and got a little bit physical and the next thing I knew I was kicked out of the house. It was about midnight, and I was wearing shorts and a really light cotton shirt, so it didn't take long before I began to freeze. Four hours later my dad let me back in telling me we would be having a talk when he got home from work.
That afternoon when he came home I refused to speak to him at all, so he kicked me out again, this time less violently thankfully. Until eventually he came outside and I yelled at him "I'm Gay!!! Happy now!"
We then went back inside for one of the hardest conversations of my life where I was constantly biting my tongue to stop myself from yelling at him. Basically he told me it was just tendencies I had, and like any other sin in the bible I could fix it. He went on and on about how he had talked to his minister and how he's organising what is essentially ex-gay counselling for me. I've come to the realisation that my father 'thinks' he is being supportive by adopting this course of action without actually realising how insensitive I find it all.
The kicker came when he asked me "Is it just urges and tendencies? Or are you actually practising?" I replied exasperatedly not wanting to go down that line of questioning "I'm just gay." To which he responded "Yes but what does that mean?" I couldnt help myself and responded "It means, I'm gay..."
That's where our conversation ended, I made my escape to my room, and since then we've barely talked about it, except for me getting my way out of every appointment my dads made with the minister.

I'm hoping given time, he might come around to a more supportive view. I'm not holding my breath though, at least he wont find an ally in my brother, which I think he was sought of banking on, so that's helpful at least.

I'm hoping to get into a good pattern of posting again now that most of my dramas have been soughted out.

Until next time

xoxo

8 comments:

wozzel December 18, 2009 at 5:30 PM  

you've got through the tougest part of it. I hope it all simmers down and gets easier. Hang in there!

Octavius December 18, 2009 at 6:49 PM  

Dude that sucks, glad you are back though.

Hold firm with your dad. If you show him that you are serious, he may well come around. I do suggest however, that you don't throw it in his face for the next few weeks. You don't want to add fuel to the fire.

Courage and Honour!

Octavius.

Aaron December 18, 2009 at 8:06 PM  

Wow - its been a rather crazy few weeks it seems and I do hope that after all those chaos, you take some time to actually treat yourself well. Make sure you also make a big reflection on the amount of achievements you have made in your life so far, because mate, I really think you've taken a mighty huge step.

Good to have you back! :)

*HUGS*

CoggyColin December 19, 2009 at 2:07 AM  

There no such thing called ex-gay. i think your father will exept you in the end. your his son.

CoggyColin December 19, 2009 at 4:32 AM  

Hi adam. i saw your blog and i think its really wonderful to share your diaries with us. so i designed a layout for your blog.

copy this to see it ;)


http://coggycolin.blogspot.com/2009/12/for-u-sydney-boy-d.html

Adam December 19, 2009 at 8:01 AM  

Thanks for the encouraging comments guys, it really does mean quite a lot to me.
Octavius, thanks for the advice, It's what I'm doing, I figure I don't need any more dramas at the moment lol.
And Aaron I definitely intend to, i think a trip to the day spa is in order lol.
Ohh and I know there is no such thing as successful ex-gay, but try telling him that lol...

xoxo

Ron December 19, 2009 at 6:14 PM  

so sad to see the persistent ignorance in this world. i have just read a (scientific/medical) article from Pediatrics about ex-gay organizations and attempts to 'de-gay' homosexuals

puts children and adolescents (and young adults) at a much higher health risk compared to others that aren't treated in such harsh ways.

*shakes head*

although I can totally see my parents trying to de-gay me as well if they ever find out.

stay strong.

Ron

twawki January 2, 2010 at 12:17 PM  

Careful how you treat yourself. I have Lupus (another autoimmune disorder) and rejected modern medicine/medication for alternative therapies, diet etc to great success

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