Wednesday, December 23, 2009

University a Reality???

So I have some very good yet confusing (well to me anyway) news today.
I was given an early round offer for a very good university to do a combined double degree, Bachelor of International Studies / Bachelor of Law.
This is absolutely amazing because I never thought I'd make it into university considering how my schooling years ended. And I never expected to get into this course let alone receive an early round offer, especially considering the required ATAR is 95.9, and I don't even have an ATAR.
For all you confused non Australian readers out there i'll do a quick explanation of New South Whales (my states) education system.
After finishing primary school K-6 you start high school yrs 7-8 are considered juniour years.
Years 9-10 are your School Certificate years, wich is the minimum qualification needed to get into trade colleges and also the allowed drop out point. For people who choose to continue there's a further two years yr 11 and 12 wich are considered the HSC, Higher School Certificate years. I dropped out after my Preliminary HSC so never received a full HSC. Once you complete your HSC your given a ranking by UAC (University's Admission Centre) which used to be called the UAI (University Admissions Index) but was changed last year to a nation wide index called the ATAR (Australian Tertiary Admissions Rank). This rank dictates what course you can be accepted into at University.
I went from an A grade honours student to a barely passing flunky within a year, due to some serious issues I had in my life at the time, so I never finished my schooling and never received a ranking, I basically thought University was a dream I'd never get any more. So I started a trade and began to apprentice in Patisserie Chefing.
Thankfully I found out about a test I could sit called the STAT (Special Tertiary Admissions Test) that would be an ATAR equivelant offered by UAC. So I applied, and sat the two different required tests. I then applied for a multitude of university's, picking low level courses basically cause I thought its all I would be able to get into with a STAT as its not as good as an ATAR. Putting down Bachelor of International Studies / Bachelor of Law for me was done on a whim, I honestly didn't expect to be accepted for any courses so thought I may as well aim high for the heck of it.
I finally got my STAT results back, there graded from 100 - 200 and your given a percentile of how many people you beat basically, I scored 194 beating an apparent 96.7 % of applicants, I was incredibly happy, and so I got my hopes up thinking I might get into a low level Bachelor of Arts or something similar. Never ever did I expect to receive this offer.

But the problem is I'm now unsure if I want to commit to five years of study, for what is a rather rigorous degree, being a double bachelor. Both sides are very demanding, and the international studies side requires me to study at a foreign University for a Semester, add on top all the Law topics I have to complete it's quite daunting. So I'm thinking of accepting the offer but deferring for a year. That way I can get another year of perspective, hopefully travel and gain some more wisdom in life. And if at the end of this year I still want to study that course, then I'll do it. I'm just so unsure, I don't want to do it for a year and find I don't like it, because that's a lot of money and time to waste.

So do you guys have any opinions or insights for what i should do... it would be greatly appreciated

Adam xoxo

Saturday, December 19, 2009

An Amazing Reader

So, I'm very, very happy and excited to tell you all about a new follower of my blog Mr. Coggy Colin. This guy is truly awesome, as he is responsible for the beautiful new personalised image header I now have. I didn't even ask him, I got this wonderful surprise when I woke up this morning and checked my inbox. So thankyou Coggy, your work is very much appreciated!!!
I think you should all go check out his blog at and give him some love by following him =D I know I have...

Laters my prettys


Friday, December 18, 2009

Long time, no see...

Hello all my weary readers,

I'm sorry I haven't posted these past few weeks, but my life has been absolutely crazy and I do hope you can forgive me. The short story for my lack of updates is I had a major health scare and I finally came out to my overjoyed and proud father (if you couldn't pick up the sarcasm on the second point, shame on you!).
So basically over the past few weeks I've been told I had as much as a few years to as little as two months left to live. I'm rather happy to be able to tell you that both diagnosis were wrong, the downside is that instead of a rather aggressive cancer, I have a rather obnoxious and rare autoimmune disease with far too many letters in its name for me to ever pronounce properly. Well actually that's really a positive downside.
It shouldn't impact to severely on my life thankfully, just a few more medications to add to my list is all. And it has helped to explain why I seem to get every single bug out there, and why my colds always turn into full blown influenza!

In the midst of this scary health scare I came out to my father, lets just say I don't think I will ever experience anything quite as unpleasant. I hope you all remember D the boy I jumped ship to over C. Well long story short we will never ever be boyfriends because we discovered how very very good we are at being best friends. It's ridiculous really, who ever heard of dating for best friends lol. But back to the coming out story. So D was feeling down over some boy troubles so I went out with him for ice cream and coffee, and then like all good boys we went to the pub and got way too tipsy, which resulted in me doing a make shift poll dance on the stage using a pool table cue, the straight boys loved it funnily enough (thank god I shaved as well). On my way home I met the most wonderful bogan (the Australian version of a hill billy red neck hick) lady who shared her bottle of Jim Beam with me on the train, it was a right laugh!
Needless to say by the time I got home I was no where near capable of walking in a straight line, and my father was less then impressed being the anti alcohol Christian he is. I only remember snippets of that night, but here's how the bits I do remember went down.
Dad: Where have you been?
Me: Out with D
Dad: Who's D?
Me: A really good friend of mine.
Dad: Ohh I'm sure he is!
This is where things start getting really foggy, but I remember him yelling something about my sexuality, then he came at me and got a little bit physical and the next thing I knew I was kicked out of the house. It was about midnight, and I was wearing shorts and a really light cotton shirt, so it didn't take long before I began to freeze. Four hours later my dad let me back in telling me we would be having a talk when he got home from work.
That afternoon when he came home I refused to speak to him at all, so he kicked me out again, this time less violently thankfully. Until eventually he came outside and I yelled at him "I'm Gay!!! Happy now!"
We then went back inside for one of the hardest conversations of my life where I was constantly biting my tongue to stop myself from yelling at him. Basically he told me it was just tendencies I had, and like any other sin in the bible I could fix it. He went on and on about how he had talked to his minister and how he's organising what is essentially ex-gay counselling for me. I've come to the realisation that my father 'thinks' he is being supportive by adopting this course of action without actually realising how insensitive I find it all.
The kicker came when he asked me "Is it just urges and tendencies? Or are you actually practising?" I replied exasperatedly not wanting to go down that line of questioning "I'm just gay." To which he responded "Yes but what does that mean?" I couldnt help myself and responded "It means, I'm gay..."
That's where our conversation ended, I made my escape to my room, and since then we've barely talked about it, except for me getting my way out of every appointment my dads made with the minister.

I'm hoping given time, he might come around to a more supportive view. I'm not holding my breath though, at least he wont find an ally in my brother, which I think he was sought of banking on, so that's helpful at least.

I'm hoping to get into a good pattern of posting again now that most of my dramas have been soughted out.

Until next time


Sunday, November 29, 2009

Religion, Facebook and Chickening Out

Hey guys,

Well haven't I had an interesting last few days! Firstly, remember how I said I was going to come out to my family over dinner. Well I didn't, I chickened out. Although I'm using the fact we all ended up going different places for dinner as a good excuse. I know I should of, but I got so terrified I just didn't.

So you know how I'm currently seeing C, well it's going alright, although I'm beginning to have my reservations as I've noticed some things in him that remind me far to much of F. So last night I went on a date with another guy D, who's a pretty alright guy, who I had a very fun time with, but thats for a different post. The point I'm trying to make is, I lead an actively homosexual lifestyle, and this doesn't sit very well with my religious friends.
I began coming out to them at the beginning of the year, and most of them were ok with it, under the assumption that I was gay but remaining single and celibate to please God. I humored them with that thought for a while. Now that I've begun telling them that I'm seeing people, they've suddenly become very anti gay, I've lost two of my best friends and I think I'm about to loose another.
This prompted me to post a status update on my Facebook

yes it's true... so stop asking me already! and no I don't care that you don't approve!

This made my brother message me asking what it was, because nobody tells him anything. So I took a deep breath, clicked my heels three times and took a leap of faith and told him. I knew he'd be ok with it all, but it was still a horrible and terrifying 10 minutes of waiting for him to reply. But I love my brother and I'm happy I told him.
Now all I have to do is tell my father, who I can guarantee wont take it nearly half as well as my brother.

Love all you guys heaps xoxo

Friday, November 27, 2009

Spray Tans and Comming Out

Hey Guys,

I went for dinner and a movie last night with C, it was very very nice, and thats all I want to say at the moment. I want to keep it all to myself for as long as possible. Don't worry though, I'm sure to crack and spill everything within the week. On a side note, I didn't wear my Burberry Trench the stupid weather decided it was time for another heat wave, like seriously can it make up its mind already!!!

So now that its summer (well spring, but it may as well be with all the heatwaves)  I really need a tan! Its kind of the rule in Australia. As soon as the sun comes back out you must tan ASAP! I haven't been seeing enough sun for my liking though so I decided to give myself a little artificial boost until I can organise more beach time. The results, well, lets just say it went from good to bad to absolutely excellent.
I bought a spray on natural tan, one thats meant to dye your skin over time and naturally promote the cells to tan themselves, it sounded great, it promised absolutely no streaks and a natural even colouring. I was sold. So I whipped off my clothes and began spraying every inch of skin, the stuff dried instantly and it needed no rubbing in, and it promised to start working within three hours. Well after three hours I looked good, I had the beginings of a nice even tan, not quite up to my usual natural mediteranean tan, but a nice begining none the less. The problems arose when I woke up this morning. I looked like an oompa loompa! I almost burst out crying it was hideous. So I ran into the shower and began frantically scrubbing, I didnt think it was working. I finnally resigned myself to being an over sized orange and got out and toweled myself down. And you know what, when I looked in the mirror I got the shock of my life. I looked like I had a lovely sun kissed deep tan. I'd managed to wash away the excess dye and was left with the natural tan underneath =D so now I am extremely happy. I look a treat if I say so myself. C says I look rather hot too.

So recently I moved back home with the family. and well, its becoming a lot more annoying playing the game "as long as we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist." Especially now that I've got C in my life! So I'm thinking of starting World War III tonight and announcing at the dinner table, "I'm gay, and I have a boyfriend." Closely followed by "Please dad, don't look so surprised. It's insulting." I expect a yelling match to follow that proclomation. Infact I'm expecting dad to invite the minister over as quickly as possible so he can change my wicked devious ways. To repent and follow the lord at all costs, and all that tosh.
Ohh well, it can't be avoided and its better we get it over and done with now rather then let it play out longer and longer.
So wish me luck, heres hoping I still have a home by tomorrow. =P


Wednesday, November 25, 2009

New Found Hope???

Hey my prettys,

So that menopausal roller coaster ride I mentioned in my last post has taken yet another turn. This time for the good it seems.
First off for people who have read my early posts you'd know about a boy called B who I randomly hooked up with. Well don't expect him to grace the pages of any other post, because that boy is after one thing only, and its not compatible with what I'm after.
On a very happy note but, a new boy interest C has graced my doorstep =D
We know each other through a friend of a friend, and we went on a date today. Nothing big just shopping at the local mall, and it was so absolutely sweet. He seems like a really genuine guy, hes a couple years older then me, but he looks like he could be younger lol. He has the cutest smile you ever did see. We've really hit it off well, we just seem to click which is really nice, and we've already organised to go to the movies tomorrow and then hit the city on Friday night together. Did I mention he's like seriously cute =D
He drove me home today and we sat in his car talking for a while, and then he walked me to my door, which I thought was the nicest thing ever. I feel like I'm in high school all over again. When we reached the door it was like something out of a sappy romance, you know the ones that always star Hugh Grant. He leaned in and gave me the most tenderest kiss I think I've ever had. That's basically sealed it in my mind for him. As you should know I love kissing, I love good kissing! And his was perfect, it was sweet, tender with absolutely no tongue and left me wanting more... absolutely everything a first kiss should be!

So now I'm really excited and over the moon, I cant wait till tomorrow night. Although I'm having a major meltdown over what to wear. Do you think my Burberry trenchcoat might be a tad to much for just the movies???

Anywhos I've got signing and dancing to do down the halls of my house, ah young love it is sweet.


P.S. Thanks to C, the bad mood F put me in has totally gone, I havent even thought of him =D
P.P.S. I'm not in love guys... yet, lol I don't fall that quickly, thought I should clear that up just in case I came across a little too sappy and in love lol.

Ex Means Ex Get it?

Hey all,

So over the past two days I think I've experienced something similar to the emotional rollercoster ride of menopause. And I place all blame on my ex-boyfriend F. You see yesterday would of been our year and a half anniversary. F being the big douche bag he is decided to call me, I wont bore you with the full conversation but this is basically how it went.

F: Hey baby, i'm so sorry, can we please meet up and talk.
Me: Look F you fucked me up really bad, and i'm only just recovering i dont need to go through this again.
F: Please babe, let me just explain please.
Me: No F I really dont want to hear it youve done enough
F: Began yelling at me

I quickly hung up. I've since received no less the 27 txt messages from him ranging from apologetic to angry to down right scary. Not to mention the countless calls I've rejected from him. I'm still trying to work out how he managed to get my number, I've changed it twice because of him already.

So maybe a bit of back story is in order. F was a really great guy, I'm pretty sure I fell in love with him, which makes this all so much harder. He changed though, into someone I can barely recognise. He became very manipulative and controlling towards the end of our relationship. He always had to know where I was and with whom, he didn't like me hanging out with my gay friends. He used to tell me the sweetest things and somehow managed to get me to do things I normally wouldn't of done. But I didn't mind I was in love and he was a bad boy, and he took on a very protective role to me, two things i'm an absolute sucker for.

The day before the incident occurred we had a pretty big fight and I was totally down and depressed. I couldn't stand it when he wasn't happy with me. We were meant to go to beach house party of a mutual friends but i didn't want to go. He ended up guilt tripping me into going, I was only there for him to parade me around on his arm in reality, not that I realised at the time. A strange thing occurred, I found myself mingling at this party without F by my side. I wasn't sure where he'd gone off to but it was odd because he always stayed near me, to the point of suffocating me really. The last few days were getting to me, and I just needed a moment to myself so I set off looking for an empty room. I entered a bedroom and what I saw was like a scene out of a bad movie, there was F on the bed with some boy I had never seen before having sex. My entire world shattered. In that instant I broke so completely. I ran, and I kept on running, I wasn't watching where I was going  and I eventually ran onto the beach and into the shallow surf where I collapsed. F's older brother was also at the party and he had seen me run out of the house to the beach crying. J and I have always got on really well, and I seriously have no idea how him and F are related, there like chalk and cheese. J pulled me out of the water, and up onto the dunes, and held me for a while trying to get me to tell him what was wrong. It was only when he said he'd go find F for me that I told him what i'd just seen. He was ready to go and get F for a totally different reason after that. I stopped him, and he offered to drive me home. He was so sweet my knight in shinning amour, he ended up staying with me that night letting me cry all over him. Hes such a great guy J if only he wasn't straight.
I haven't seen F face to face since, J went and got all my stuff off him, and left him in a bit of a state. You should of seen the photos of what he did to him looked like it hurt, cant say I felt all that sorry for him.

So yeah. Thats what F did to me, and it's been really hard to get myself back together since. I really dont need his bullshit at the moment and I wish he'd just stay out of my life.
These old wounds still seem far to fresh for my liking

Anyways I best be off to the the land of sleep, Its 1am in the morning here.


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