So over the past two days I think I've experienced something similar to the emotional rollercoster ride of menopause. And I place all blame on my ex-boyfriend F. You see yesterday would of been our year and a half anniversary. F being the big douche bag he is decided to call me, I wont bore you with the full conversation but this is basically how it went.
F: Hey baby, i'm so sorry, can we please meet up and talk.
Me: Look F you fucked me up really bad, and i'm only just recovering i dont need to go through this again.
F: Please babe, let me just explain please.
Me: No F I really dont want to hear it youve done enough
F: Began yelling at me
I quickly hung up. I've since received no less the 27 txt messages from him ranging from apologetic to angry to down right scary. Not to mention the countless calls I've rejected from him. I'm still trying to work out how he managed to get my number, I've changed it twice because of him already.
So maybe a bit of back story is in order. F was a really great guy, I'm pretty sure I fell in love with him, which makes this all so much harder. He changed though, into someone I can barely recognise. He became very manipulative and controlling towards the end of our relationship. He always had to know where I was and with whom, he didn't like me hanging out with my gay friends. He used to tell me the sweetest things and somehow managed to get me to do things I normally wouldn't of done. But I didn't mind I was in love and he was a bad boy, and he took on a very protective role to me, two things i'm an absolute sucker for.
The day before the incident occurred we had a pretty big fight and I was totally down and depressed. I couldn't stand it when he wasn't happy with me. We were meant to go to beach house party of a mutual friends but i didn't want to go. He ended up guilt tripping me into going, I was only there for him to parade me around on his arm in reality, not that I realised at the time. A strange thing occurred, I found myself mingling at this party without F by my side. I wasn't sure where he'd gone off to but it was odd because he always stayed near me, to the point of suffocating me really. The last few days were getting to me, and I just needed a moment to myself so I set off looking for an empty room. I entered a bedroom and what I saw was like a scene out of a bad movie, there was F on the bed with some boy I had never seen before having sex. My entire world shattered. In that instant I broke so completely. I ran, and I kept on running, I wasn't watching where I was going and I eventually ran onto the beach and into the shallow surf where I collapsed. F's older brother was also at the party and he had seen me run out of the house to the beach crying. J and I have always got on really well, and I seriously have no idea how him and F are related, there like chalk and cheese. J pulled me out of the water, and up onto the dunes, and held me for a while trying to get me to tell him what was wrong. It was only when he said he'd go find F for me that I told him what i'd just seen. He was ready to go and get F for a totally different reason after that. I stopped him, and he offered to drive me home. He was so sweet my knight in shinning amour, he ended up staying with me that night letting me cry all over him. Hes such a great guy J if only he wasn't straight.
I haven't seen F face to face since, J went and got all my stuff off him, and left him in a bit of a state. You should of seen the photos of what he did to him looked like it hurt, cant say I felt all that sorry for him.
So yeah. Thats what F did to me, and it's been really hard to get myself back together since. I really dont need his bullshit at the moment and I wish he'd just stay out of my life.
These old wounds still seem far to fresh for my liking
Anyways I best be off to the the land of sleep, Its 1am in the morning here.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009